


The Five Stages of Grief

by Junliet



Series: Shorter fics/one shots [9]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Crying, Five Stages of Grief, Happy Ending, Injury, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 09:18:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19765192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junliet/pseuds/Junliet
Summary: DenialAngerDepressionBargainingAcceptanceYuzuru's five stages of grief after Javi said he was retiring





	The Five Stages of Grief

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know. Sorry. I wrote this on my phone in half an hour on my way to work. Sorry

Denial  
  
All through the flower ceremony, he'd managed to ignore it. In the medal ceremony, he squashed it flat underneath the warmth of getting his second Olympic gold medal. In the gala, he'd been having too much fun to care. Seeing him again at Continues With Wings made him forget too.  
  
But even Brian knew when it was too far.   
  
"Yuzu, what's wrong?" He asked softly as the other skates almost lazily around the rink. "Is it your ankle still?"  
  
"No, ankle is fine. Just thinking about Javi."  
  
Brian stiffened. "What about Javi?"  
  
"He's missed six training sessions now for his holiday to Spain! Six! Will he be able to do the Autumn Classic?"  
  
"Yuzu--"  
  
"And why is he putting his show in the middle of the Grand Prix series? Silly Javi! What if he's competing?"  
  
"Yuzuru, stop it. Javi isn't doing the Autumn Classic or the Grand Prix series. Japan Open and Europeans is it. You know this."  
  
Yuzuru just huffed and shrugged. "I'm sure he'll change his mind. He's just missing Spain. That's all. He'll be back soon enough."  
  
Brian shook his head with an exasperated sigh as Yuzu skated off again to work through Otonal.

* * *

Anger  
  
Yumi Hanyu knew her son was beautiful. Anyone could see it. On the ice, he had an ethereal beauty and grace none of the others came close to.   
  
But now? Now he was not beautiful. A Yuzuru Hanyu lying on his bedroom floor, screaming into Pooh-san's fluffy head with tears streaming down his face and red, blotchy cheeks was not beautiful.   
  
"Yuzuru, it's okay--" she tried, but another wail cut her off.   
  
"Why?! How could he retire?! He's too young! Too much still to do!"  
  
"I think you're blurring the lines between you too much. You've still got too much you want to do. He has made a different choice."  
  
"I'm not me without him! It's a rivalry between Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernandez! It's not just me and it was never just him!"  
  
With another scream of frustration and anger, Yuzuru tugged his duvet off his bed and curled up underneath it with Pooh-san still in his arms. Yumi knelt down on the floor next to him and pulled him into a tight hug.  
  
"It's okay to be angry," she said softly, stroking the hair behind his ears like she always did when he was little to calm him down, "and here," she pressed over his heart gently, "will stop hurting eventually."  
  
Yuzuru's anger this time came out in a wave of sobs and he clung to the front of her shirt, sobbing into it. She held his inhaler in her hand, just in case, as she comforted him

* * *

Depression   
  
Yuzuru's injury and Javier's return could not have come at a worse time: together. While Yuzuru was once again struggling with his limited jumps, having the man who had caused him months of confusion and pain within touching distance was almost like torture.   
  
Even Javi noticed it.   
  
Yuzuru was quieter at the rink. He did exactly what was asked of him and nothing more. He didn't cause Brian more trouble, didn't pester Ghislain about when the quad axel would be ready, didn't fight with David for changes to his choreography, and firmly kept himself to himself. He turned down Jason's invitation to go out for lunch, Jun's offer of Starbucks, Gabrielle's suggestion of going bowling, and he especially turned down Javi's invitations to play video games.   
  
Brian and Yumi worked out what it was first. When it came to light that all Yuzuru did was sleep, train, do his physical therapy, and pick at his food, they knew. And they knew why.   
  
"Yuzu, mind if I sit here?"   
  
The Japanese man looked up and nodded at Tracy as he unlaced his skates and half watched Javier run through Man of La Mancha on the rink. Tracy watched too, rubbing his back lightly.   
  
"It's okay to feel what you're feeling."  
  
Yuzuru another and shook his head. "I'm not feeling anything."  
  
"Yuzu, how long are you going to try and keep this up? You do not have to pretend to be okay right now. You have nothing to prove here. You're allowed to be upset about Javier's retirement."  
  
"I'm not upset." Yuzuru said too quickly.   
  
"Yes you are. It's okay. I am too. If you weren't upset about your friend and training mate foe six years leaving, I'd be shocked. Especially because you wear your heart on your sleeve and I've seen that heart get battered and bruised so many times. It's okay to be upset. It's normal. In time, you'll be better. But don't try and lie to us and yourself. We're here for you."  
  
Yuzuru didn't have any words. He just hugged her tightly, biting back tears, before he nodded.   
  
"I hope he wins."

* * *

Bargaining  
  
"I will give you a Four Continents medal if you stay."  
  
"Yuzu--"  
  
"Two Four Continents medals."  
  
"Yuzu, I'm not--"  
  
"All my Four Continets and Skate Canada medals."  
  
"I don't need a load of silver medals Yuzu. I'm not staying."  
  
Yuzuru held onto his wrist firmly. "All Four Continets and Skate Canada medals, plus one of your choice."  
  
"Sochi gold." Javier challenged him.   
  
Yuzuru set his jaw firmly. "Javi--"  
  
"I won't make you give up your gold or make you answer that. It's mean. All the medals in the world wouldn't make me stay, Yuzu. Sorry."  
  
Once Javier's back had turned and the other had left him alone, Yuzuru's face crumpled.

* * *

  
Acceptance  
  
_He's not yours to mess about with anymore. You had your time. He's moved on and so have you now._  
  
_But it's hard_  
  
Yuzuru watched Javier on his home rink, teaching small children about skating and sighed. The other was so in his element as a coach. His beautiful expressive eyes sparkled with happiness, and Abe-sensei smiled softly at Javier too. The kids loved him, and Yuzuru could understand why. His heart fluttered when Javi offered one a hand up after a fall, whispering a soft "It'll be okay. You'll get it next time."  
  
Javi had found peace in his new place. And, swallowing down the lump in his throat, Yuzuru had too.  
  
As soon as he got his World title back from Nathan, all would be well. Yes, there was still an ache in his chest when there was no soft hand pulling him to his feet after a failed quad salchow in practice, but a warmth was there when he saw how happy Javier was with coaching.   
  
"I'll let go for you to be happy."


End file.
